Words from a V-Man Extraordinaire

"It is not our fault the world is the way it is, but it is our responsibility" - Derek Dujardin

Vagina Warriors welcomed Derek with a delicious dinner 

As we advertised earlier, Derek Dujardin visited Westminster during his tour of the US and Canada. Derek is the founder, writer, and performer of The MENding Monologues, a new theatre movement designed to bring men into the conversation around sexual violence. His presentation incorporated a few monologues from his show as he led the group through the philosophy and goal of MENding. You can read  "For Linda," "R U My 2:15?," and "Tantra," at the MENding website. 

Derek reminded us that Vagina Warriors should continually think of what type of world we are working towards.  Here are some ways the audience answered the question "what kind of world do you want women to live in?":

• One where safety isn't the primary concern
• One where women can self-actualize without depending on masculine standards
• One where we empathize with one another
• One where labels are unimportant
• One where we value positive female role models

 Probably the most significant part of Derek's presentation was a guide to challenging other people's view with an open heart. He specifically applied this to instances where a man might hold hurtful or ignorant views of women and sexual violence. I've briefly outlined his process

Derek's presentation was well-attended and interactive.

1. Identify the person's belief or behavior 
1. Figure out the issue at hand (e.g.; women in an abusive relationship deserve it)
2. Get curious about the other person's views 
1. Ask questions and show interest in what they believe
3. Ask permission to examine their idea
1. Focus on the idea, not the person
4. Discuss what they are committed to
1. Identify their personal values (e.g.; women should be treated respectfully)
5. Show how the belief or behavior is at odds with what they are committed to
1.  Demonstrate how physically, emotionally, and sexually abusing women is not respectful behavior
6. Share your own experience
1. Empathize with them and show it is truly possible for them to follow their commitments

It is important to avoid SHAMING during this process.  Shame immediately excludes the other person - it is not a welcoming and understanding experience.

For more information on Derek, visit his website.

~ Peace and Happiness ~
Stacy
Vagina Warrior Extraordinaire